Hello !
Hope you had a good week and enjoying the weekend. I am not sure why I still get very excited for the weekends although I am not working anymore now. Maybe the thoughts of having weekend breaks and having my partner around excites me (most of the time he is still doing work at home but it doesn’t matter). There is only two weeks until our flight home and I cannot help to just keep on thinking about that all the time. January is a no traveling month for us given that it is another busy month at work for hubs, especially before we are taking long break by the end of it and all I have been doing is shopping for family and friends.
As we are flying home for couple weeks, I have been taking orders on beauty products and also all other girls stuffs like handbags, pandora, etc. I cannot help it to squeeze in my own orders especially when it involves Glossier. It is such an obsession and now I think I have tried almost 80% of Glossier’s products! So, I did the Get Ready with Glossier updates on instagram story when the parcels arrived and post the top photo as the after photo. I have few people (I want to say a lot of people but let’s face it, it is only a few people, HAHA) telling me how healthy my skin looks like, how nice is the make up look and how easy the steps are. This is exactly the results you will get if you follow the Glossier routine and this is the reason why I am hooked with this brand. They are never promoting a make up that can change your look, but instead to focus to enhance and bring the beauty from within. All you are getting is “your skin, but better” look, which I am totally digging these days.
Of course it is not easy to reach this stage. I am telling you that my skin is still not flawless and I went through so many phases with my skin. Hence, this is what I want to share here today. It is not about make up, but how my skin condition has changed for the best to the worst and to the nicest now. I just wish to tell all girls out there that you can make a difference in your skin (and life ultimately). If you are facing horrible skin conditions, let me tell you that it can get better and you will regain your confidence. Let’s save all the talks to the end and let me tell you what I have been through. Caution: it has been a longgg journey and I cannot help to reminisce the moments as I went through my old photos. Unfortunately, I do not have pictures from all the way before iPhone 5 was around. But, when I don’t, let the words do the talking. 😀
I grew up as quite an outdoorsy girl, playing outside at the playground (not playing swings but playing galah panjang and baling selipar with boys). I did that almost everyday until I turned maybe 12 or 13. So, of course I ended up with darker skin tone. Other than that, I did not have any other skin problem. No major acne problem except the occasional hormonal acnes. My only problem was people who mocked me for being dark (note that almost all girls in my family have fair skin) and then the same person mocked me for buying brightening cream. It might sounds funny to others, but nobody realised how abusive these comments are.
Before I met my husband, I had a long time boyfriend from high school, X. He is probably one of those cute guys at school but he asked for my number from my classmate (a guy, let’s call him A). When X did that, the comment that A gave was “why her? I can get another girl’s number. She’s cuter.”. Point is, I was never the cute attractive girl in school (at least not everyone sees that) but I had a boyfriend and we had long relationship (on and off but he was my buddy growing up) until I had my first job.
Going into my first job, there is still nothing magical about my skin. I am blessed enough with clear skin (with occasional acnes) and I am okay with it. Of course in my early 20s and even until now, I am such a “skincare girl”. I spent a lot on skin care that I wish would work wonders on skin. Nothing spectacular ever happened but it hasn’t been a nightmare either. I have started to do make up, but it was only a light make up with major laziness to reapply after prayers. So one day, I met X for dinner after a long day at work and honestly I look crap. I didn’t re-do my make up and it has been an exhaustive day, all I need was a nice dinner and bed. My relationship with X hasn’t been good at that time but for him to make a horrible comments about my skin that day and asked why didn’t I put on make up like other girls, that was when I moved on and away. I can still remember every single words he said because those are the words that made me apply for MBA in Ireland and also made me buy a new skincare, TS.
So talking about skin, the new skincare that I bought was a local brand from Indonesia. It was back in 2012 and the brand was quite famous to transform your skin condition from bad acne problem to complete flawless. At that time, I do not have a major skin problem but I really wanted a flawless skin to 1) be confident with myself again and 2) to make X feels bad for all words he ever said to me. Yes, not the best version of me but when you make insensitive to others, especially girls, it is bound to have major effects in their life. So, guys especially, please be more sensitive to others.
Again, I bought the skincare that costs me few hundreds for 1 set and this is when my skin started to change. For the first one/two weeks, my skin has turned red and started peeling. FYI, my job requires me to meet a lot of high profile people and it is not cool to go to work with burning skin. Of course I could not wear any make up and I need to make excuses to people as they asked me what happened. It is horrible but once the peeling stage has ended, there comes the flawless super fair skin of mine. Picture below was in my winter break Morocco while doing my MBA in Ireland. It was after few months after trying and continuing using TS.
People started to make comments and asking what I have used on my skin right after the peeling period has ended. Thing is, nobody has commented that my clear dark skin is nice before. But the moment I have fair skin (with extra glow and flawless), everyone is taking a second look. I guess it is only now that people have started to appreciate girls with darker skin tone, but 5 years ago, I can see how different people are looking and treating me when I have fairer skin. If you have dark skin and nobody ever made horrible comments to you, you are lucky. But when you grew up with nasty comments, I can see why everyone wish to have nice and fair skin.
I have brought few sets of TS to Ireland and it will lasts me for about a year. However, half way there, I heard bad comments on the internet saying that the products have mercury and is not safe for your skin. I stopped instantaneously and this is when my skin has taken a major downfall..
That was me, with major breakouts going on right after I stopped using TS. As you can see, even with full coverage foundation (I think I was using Dior Airflash Foundation, best foundation ever! :P), there are big things going on my forehead, chin area and on upper lips. It didn’t stopped here, the breakouts continuously hit me for years as my skin became super sensitive to everything.
For few years, I have been dealing with major breakouts. I cannot even put the photos above in singles because it will scare everyone. By then, I have too many people asking me of what happened, you should try this and it was very overwhelming. By then I was done with MBA and flew back home for good. The changes in weather has only made it worst. It was a horrible period of big horrible acnes to small but way too many and still looking horrible pimples all over my face. It lowers my self confidence but I need to get back to work. I was still seeing people for work everyday and I have started to put on more make up. At that point, the Amazonian clay full coverage foundation has been my bestfriend.
I was an active girl and I played futsal a lot. But when you have ugly acnes all over, how are you going to play anything without your make up on? Of course I still went for it after a while but never a day goes by without anyone making comments about my skin. I have tried way too many skincare. I have tried SKII, Kate Somerville, Neutrogena and the list of international and local brands that I have tried is endless. Nothing really change my life except less money that I have, after spending thousands trying everything. Not to mention all the spa sessions I went for treatments. Nothing works.
After two years, I finally decided to go to skin specialist. I went to Dr Ting Skin Specialist clinic at Jalan Imbi. I have been prescribed with pills (I think it’s Roaccutane) and been using only skincare from Dr Ting (cleanser, toner and pimple gel). The picture above is when I (among) first going out with my husband and I have taken Roaccutane for 1 or 2 months. You can see that the small pimples all over my forehead and cheeks are drying out and slowly going away. Of course I still have make up to cover it up but the thing about doing make up on bad skin is that it might look good on pictures (from certain angles and lots of filters), but a closer look will still shows how horrible it is underneath. Not to mention that it is not cool to have super thick make up everyday, especially when I was never a full make up kinda girl before that.
I continued with the prescription for about a year and finally my skin has healed. At least my forehead is no longer covered with pimples. The treatment made my skin so dry and I need to drink a lot of water. But mostly I am grateful that the horrible stage has ended. I then started to use Fresh cosmetics.
I cannot remember which toner I was using (maybe none, LOL) but these two was my favourite and will always be. They are both so gentle and give hydration that my skin needed. I still get excited and commented every time I saw anyone trying this on. These two gives my skin the life that it needed and my skin started to look healthy again. The only drawback is that the soy face cleanser doesn’t remove make up and they are quite expensive. I have stopped using this after I quit my job because having only one partner working in KL can be a struggle and I do not want to put any burden on him.
I have started to look for a good skincare but nothing good that fits my bills. I remember using Neutrogena which was okay but nothing to shout about. My skin is back to normal (somehow it’s back to pre-tanned-but-not-fair colour also) with occasional normal breakout which I am fine with. My biggest fan is definitely my husband and I am forever grateful for him for looking at me even when I was the ugliest I can feel about myself. We have known each other even before I went for the skin specialist and since then and until now, he never says anything but good things about my skins and appearance. He even asked me to skip make up (when my skin is breaking out badly) thinking that maybe the make up that caused it all and he still feels that I look good even without it. Of course I do not think that it is true and still put make up on every single day but it definitely elevates my confidence. By now, I am already feeling good about my skin. I might not the next top model type, but alhamdulillah i do not have any imperfections and everything is working fine.
Many might condemn of how a girl can think too much about their skin and look. I know it might sounds funny to put your confidence on your look. Anyone can judge if this is not the way girls should think. But girls will always be girls. We are super sensitive human being and we are always attracted to pretty things and looking pretty. Of course your look doesn’t determine how good you are, but it definitely effect how you carry yourself around.
Indeed, the prettiest girl is the most confident happy girl. For all girls out there, I have few messages for you. 1) Find your confidence and glow from within. 2) Do not EVER use any untested products. Always make sure that the brand has done an extensive research and be alarm of certain signals like quick results, overclaims and bad side effects (although if it lasts for a while). 3) Do not let anyone bring you down. If they are affecting you negatively, take them out from your life. You have the power to do so.
Most importantly, if my bad skin can go away, yours can too, insyaAllah. Do not the small thing brings you down and keep shining. If you think your skin need helps, do not afraid to seek helps.
Sending lots of love to everyone. I will continue this with my current skincare routine in next (next, next) post insyaAllah. Have a good weekend and just in case if nobody says this to you today, you look good! 🙂
AYUUKEJUU 